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I struggle with my faith a lot. I will be the first to tell anyone that I don't understand scripture all the time. That at times im fearful and doubtful. But the other day I read some thing that changed something in me.

It was from Geoffery Canada's book Reaching Up For Manhood, a book about raising young men in America, specificaly in the inner city. I urge you all to check out this book and his other book Fist Stick Knife Gun. He's a terrific author. Anyway, here is the quote.


“Every child needs a grandmother like mine in their lives — a person who is older, and wiser, and willing to fight for as long as it takes for that child’s soul. A person who is willing to hold his or her own life as an example of faith. A person who both forgives and teaches forgiveness. A person whose abundance of faith will be their in sufficient supply when children need it. Because sooner or later chilfren need more faith than they posses. That’s where we come in.”

And I thought for a second and realized I couldnt think of anybody in my family like that. Nothing against my parents or family of course. My parents and grandparents are the biggest role models in my imediate life (next to Christ of course). And I realized that amongst many of my closest friends, I'm that person. I though to myself, maybe thats my role. Maybe I'm the one who's supposed to be that anchor.

Since then I have felt a much closer connection to God. I felt like God was telling me thats it's ok that I don't always get it. It's ok that I'm scared. And that it's ok that I fall. All I have to do is keep fighting and struggling and be their for my friends. To have faith in them, and foster faith in them. I know it's going to be a long time and a difficult journey find my personal path and developing my personal relationship with God. But it's reassuring to feel like ive uncovered part of it. It's still hard, but I have a renewed sence of faith and I feel it growing stronger every day.