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Im defintaly gonna be a monk when I grow up. Its the perfect life style for me. It has everything I could ever want. I can finally just spend my time at peace. No modern and materialistic boundaries like money and whatnot. I can be free to pursue spiritual and physical intrests with distractions. I can be around other people who share similar intrests. And theirs so much I can learn from them as well. The more I think about it the less and less use I have for all the junk around me. Over the past time that I've been at home I feel like I've realized so much. I don't NEED my playstation. I don't NEED my computer. I dont NEED my tv. I don't NEED a cell phone. I don't NEED sex or all of that stuff. These things are just luxuries. I wonder if I ever really loved them or if it was because thats what society taught me. Ive discovered these more intresting things in life. I read the Bible every niht before I go to be now. I read the abridged Kebra and I want to read the whole thing. I want to learn more about buddism. Ive found a lot of new meaning in the simpler things around me. Like Music. Theirs so much more to it than the words. Theirs the feeling and energy behind them. I think I feel it more than I hear it. And ive been discovering this new feeling inside of me. Just a feeling of utter contentment. Im not sure what it is. Its like my mind, body, and spirit, all happening together. And something else, something bigger. The more I learn the stronger that other non describle feeling gets. Ive come to realize that this clutter in my life is completley unnecicary. All that I need is food and water and exercise for my body. The mind and spirit are very undemanding. Just something to think about or feel. Perhaps the Music and reading have had something to do with that. The other feeling i was talking about is something, it just happens. I cant make it, I just let it. I lose all track of time. And its just comeplete peace and nowness. Sometimes it seems like I can feel God around me. I'm not sure though, im trying to keep an open mind cuz im very young and to understand these things probly takes much more time than 16 years. But I want to live it. It brings peace in anger and frusturation. It brings reason in doubt. It brings comfort in sadness. I want to get closer. Maybe I sound crazy or just stupid, but thats ok, you can't please everybody and I'd drive myself crazy if I did. I'm thinking that joinging a budhist temple can help bring me closer to all of this to achieving my goals. At this point in my life my only goals are what I can do to make others happy, and be at peace with myself.